Ready or Not, It’s Summer!

So here I am, at the beginning of summer vacation.  I’ve been waiting and longing for this moment for the past several weeks.  I usually try hard to stay present and not really count down the days, but the ramped-up pace of the last few weeks of school did have me keeping my eye on this prize.  Something caught me a bit off guard over the weekend though.  I was suddenly hit with this feeling of not being ready for summer.  I was pretty much ready for school to be over.  Though it’s always a little tough and bittersweet to say goodbye to my students, that part I don’t really look forward to, most of the time, I was definitely ready for the busy-ness of the busy season to end.  I certainly don’t want to stretch school out any longer, but all of a sudden I had this mixture of sadness and maybe a little worry because I feel like I’m not quite ready for the clock of summer to start ticking away.  I need to make some plans!  I need a new swim suit! Seriously! How can all the swim suits I want be sold out already?!

OK, I really don’t care all that much about the swim suit, but I was having this weird anxious sort of feeling about summer starting. I was expecting to feel all jumping-in-the-air-clicking-my-heels-together excited like I do at the start of most summers, but that kind of wasn’t the case this year.  I’m quite sure it has to do with a whole host of factors.  A few of which I thought might be worth mentioning here.

One thing is that, endings are hard, even when you’re looking forward to what’s on the other side of the end. This year the end of school brought a few more goodbyes than usual as several close colleagues retired.  I’m often asked, as school is about to finish, about how to handle a child’s sadness and tears about the ending.  A few years ago, I started sharing Brene Brown’s Wholehearted Parenting Manifesto and directing parents to the part about teaching kids to feel their sadness instead of trying to take it away or brush it under the carpet. It’s hard to end something that was good.  It’s hard to adjust to the fact that you won’t be seeing the same people every day who you are used to seeing.  So I tell the kids that it’s ok to be sad about this. I am.  It’s ok to cry about this.  I did.  And then I remind them of an R-word (we’re big on R-words at our school). I tell them that they are resilient.  They will recover from this sadness and fairly quickly too.  I tell them that their heart can be sad and happy all at the same time, even if it feels very weird, it’s ok.  They’ll learn that this is the way of school (and life) and soon, before they know it,  they’ll be focused on pools and popsicles.  And so I’m telling myself the same thing.  (except I might focus on these grown up pops!  Scroll down for the boozy section.)

Another thing about the start of this summer that brought on some weird feelings for me, is the shift in schedule and that I don’t have all my plans all set. I don’t have a giant trip planned. I don’t even know what I’m doing for the rest of today. It feels like a little bit of a transition to go from the super scheduled and jam-packed days of June to the wide open days of summer.  Now, I know this is not an actual problem. There are people who are sick or hurt and there are huge injustices in the world, those are problems. I know plenty of people really deserve the wide-open days of rest and summer and some people never get them. I am so very grateful for mine.  I’m also very positive that I’ll come up with plenty of things to do and those wide-open days will soon be fun-filled.  I’m just saying, I felt a little uneasy about how my time would play out. I want my time to be well spent. I want this to be a really good summer.  But sometimes I fall into that whole trap of thinking that if I’m not being productive, I’m not spending my time well. And sometimes I get too caught up in planning and being “ready.” But only sometimes. I’m reminding myself of what I really know in my heart, that some of my most well-spent time and treasured memories have been those spent doing what seems like nothing with my family and friends, spontaneous happenings, unexpected meetings and unplanned moments.

I’m at that age where time seems to be going a lot faster.  I just kind of want a little buffer zone right now in between when school ends and summer begins.  Like a pre-summer, for deep breathing and dreaming and plan making. But we don’t get that.  So today I’m using a little lesson that my dear friend Regina taught me.  I can’t stop the clock from ticking, but I can notice this moment, this end sliding into this beginning.  And right here, the whole summer is stretched out before me.  Who knows what wonderful things will happen?!  I’m hoping it’s a season full of family and friends, lots of time outside, wonder and big newness.   As much as I can, I’m going to make sure it is.  I’ll keep you posted.

I really love this line from the book I’m reading right now. It’s called “Phenomenal” and it was written by Leigh Ann Henion about her explorations of some of the world’s most extraordinary natural places. Her life and my life are quite different, but still…I love being wondrously astounded! I hope you also can’t believe your life in a good way this summer and ten years from now. I wish us all many moments of being wondrously astounded. Happy summer!

Just Pretend

I think I may have mentioned once or twice that this is my busy season.  There are so many work things to do before the school year is over! And lots of fun events happening too.  The wonderful thing is that just over the horizon of this busy season is my most restful season–summer!  I am so grateful that not only do I get to do a job that I love, am passionate about and from which I feel overwhelming fulfillment, but I also get the summertime…to rest, to play and to recharge for another school year.

The little problem I’m having right now is that there is so much work to do, but I don’t really want to do very much of it.  I’m pretty sure the kids don’t want to do all that much more work anymore either.  With summer so close, it’s very hard to concentrate on work.  I just want to make a list of a million and five summer fun things to do and then start doing them.  But I can’t.  I have a million and five work tasks that need to happen first. So today I thought I’d share a little trick I pull on myself when I have to do something I don’t want to do.

I play pretend.  I fake it.  Let’s say, for example, that I really don’t feel like teaching spelling.  I might really want to be going for a walk or reading a book or even making a dent in the mountain of paperwork I have to do.  But, I must continue to teach spelling, even if it is June.  So I take a deep breath.  And then maybe a few more.  And then I pretend that I just LOVE spelling!!  (In reality, I do love spelling, but not as much as my usual when it’s warm out and sunny and…June!)  So I smile.  I use my happiest teacher voice.  I take my time.  I don’t skip any of the parts or rush through the lesson.  I pretend that I’m the teacher I always dreamed of being and then… usually, just a few minutes into this little act, something shifts and it’s not an act anymore.  I get in my groove. I’m doing my thing and the thing I didn’t want to do is getting done and I am actually, genuinely, being the teacher I always dreamed of being.

I use this trick for all kinds of things. Often at school. In June.  Did I mention June? When a kid drops his pencil box for the millionth time that day and all the contents splatter across the floor and I do not feel like cleaning up a hundred tiny bits of crayon.  I take a deep breath (try not to let it sound like a sigh) and say, “I’ll help you.”  Then, even though I didn’t feel like it, the mess is soon cleaned up and the child is happy to have had my help.  Or when kids start arguing and maybe I’m pretty sure one of them is lying and another one starts crying and I don’t really feel like being a playground detective and conducting friendship therapy.  I breathe deeply, and say, “I’ll help you.”  I ask a few questions, try to smile with my eyes (not roll them) and soon, the truth is coming out, apologies are being offered and everyone is friends again.

Now, I don’t want this to sound like I don’t like my job and the things I have to do there, like teaching spelling and helping children.  I like my job.  I LOVE my job!  I love my job genuinely and deeply.  It’s just that some days… I don’t feel like it. Some Junes I REALLY don’t feel like it!  And this little trick gives me a jump start when I need it.  I imagine everyone has these days when they don’t feel like it, no matter what their profession, and even in our home lives.  Don’t feel like washing the dishes?  Pretend washing dishes is the best thing ever, then start doing it and next thing you know, they’re done.  Don’t want to workout?  Pretend working out is the most fun ever, then start doing it and soon it’s over.  And usually having these types of things done, gives me an added little boost of happiness.

I tried really hard to find this quote/research about happiness that I read or saw somewhere.  I thought maybe it was by Shawn Achor in his book called, “Before Happiness,”  but I couldn’t find it. And I have too much to do to look anymore.  So I’ll paraphrase as best I can, and if it wasn’t him who wrote this, I’m pretty sure somebody who’s very smart and does research did.  Also, his book is a good read anyway, also his TedTalk. It makes sense to me so…what someone said is, that we often think we act because of how we feel.  Like, I have a case of the blahs, so I can’t go for a run.  But in reality, it more often goes in the reverse order, we actually feel because of how we act.  So I go for a run, and then I don’t feel so blah.  What do you think?  I think it works for me…when I remember to do it.

Only 6 more school days until summer vacation!  I’m gonna pretend I can do it!

Today’s photo is kind of unrelated, but we had some caterpillars as class pets and then they went and changed into butterflies. Little miracles that they are! This day I wasn’t so good at pretending to be calm when the children were pushing and shoving to get a good look and almost killed our dear pets. It’s ok, though, everyone survived. Aren’t butterflies amazing?!